Caregivers: How to ask for, accept, or offer help

What makes a caregiver?

Is it a nephew caring for an aunt with a disability? A daughter providing care for her dad with dementia? Or a guardian taking care of a child with autism? The answer is all three!

While caregivers' situations can be complicated, the definition of a caregiver is not. If you are caring for another person — be it a child, parent, or friend — you are a caregiver. (Parents and guardians, this includes you!)

And though all caregiving circumstances are unique, and some are more complex than others, one thing remains true across the board: Caregivers need care, too.

Caregiving is as rewarding and fulfilling as it is exhausting and demanding. It can feel impossible to juggle all the responsibilities, yet awkward to ask for a helping hand. If you or someone you know is a caregiver, read on for tips on how to ask for, accept, or offer help.

First off, how do caregivers (and their friends and family) know when they need help?

Caregivers are often so busy caring for others, they don't take the time for self-care. In fact, two in three caregivers say they don't keep up with annual physicals and routine doctor appointments¹. As a result, caregivers tend to have a higher risk of physical and mental health issues, including insomnia and high blood pressure.

It's not always obvious when a person needs help. Watch out for these signs of caregiver stress²:

• becoming easily frustrated, angered, or impatient
• feeling exhausted, anxious, or overwhelmed
• feeling lonely, sad, or hopeless
• skipping personal hygiene
• experiencing frequent headaches, stomach upset, or other physical symptoms
• abusing drugs or alcohol

How can caregivers ask for help?

Accepting help from others isn't easy. Caregivers might feel like a burden or a failure admitting that they can't do it all themselves. If asking or accepting help makes you feel uncomfortable or awkward, here are some ways to approach it:

• send a text or email if you aren't comfortable asking face to face
• give friends or family members a list of things that could help and let them choose
• be forthright about what you need and don't need; not every offer is helpful in the moment

And lastly, but most importantly: When a friend or family member offers help, practice saying "yes"! Remember you are not a failure, and you are not a burden. Your loved ones want to be there for you; let them.

How can the loved ones of caregivers offer help?

From providing emotional support to taking on specific tasks, there are all kinds of ways you can offer help to a caregiver. The physical and mental toll of caregiving can leave a person feeling raw and disconnected. Acknowledge what they're going through and find things you can do that might lighten the load:

• Be specific about how you can help. Caregivers don't always have the mental capacity to figure how you can best help. Offer specific options, such as preparing freezer meals or running errands. (Conversely, you can give them a list of things that would be helpful and let them choose.)
• Take pressure off the caregiver by initiating contact and reaching out.
• Give them a break by offering to stay with the person they're caring for so they can have some time to themselves.
• Treat them to dinner by cooking for them or delivering their favorite takeout.
• Show interest in their self-care such as gifting them a spa session (and offering to stay with the person they're caring for), bringing them their favorite snacks, or making a care package full of self-care goodies

Lastly, don't be offended if they say no; sometimes the offer just isn't helpful in the moment. Stay in contact and offer again when the time is right.

What are some helpful resources for caregivers?

Family and friends are great people to ask for help, but they're not the only sources of support for caregivers. Others who may be able to help include:

• Your doctor. They can give you advice about taking care of your physical and mental health. Health care professionals may also know about support groups, respite care, and other resources offered in your community.
• Your neighbors. Tap into their proximity to help with tasks like home maintenance issues, transportation, or even just companionship.
• A counselor or other mental health professional. Ask your doctor for referrals to counselors if you're feeling anxious and/or depressed.
• Support groups. Caregiving support groups run the gamut; chances are, there's a support group that aligns with your situation and needs.
• Your local senior center, state office on aging, or social services office. These organizations will be familiar with resources available in your community and may have tips for accessing them.
• Your faith community. Congregations may host support groups or coordinate meal trains for caregivers. You can also ask for guidance from your religious leader.

Lastly, what can a caregiver do to help themselves?

Care for caregivers is just as important as it is for their charges, but it can be hard to find the time and energy. Eating well, exercising and staying active, and doing things to manage stress are all important but the simple fact of the matter is: Sometimes it all feels impossible.

We understand.

With that in mind, here are three important reminders for caregivers who are carrying a heavy load: Remember that it's not selfish to focus on your needs and desires. Don't ever be afraid to ask for support and accept help. And give yourself credit for your strength, resiliency, and giving heart.

Provided courtesy of MetLife Legal Plans.

Group legal plans are administered by MetLife Legal Plans, Inc., Cleveland, Ohio. In California, this entity operates under the name MetLife Legal Insurance Services. In certain states, group legal plans are provided through insurance coverage underwritten by Metropolitan General Insurance Company, Warwick, RI. Payroll deduction required for group legal plans. For costs and complete details of the coverage, call or write the company.

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Sources

1. MetLife Benefit Trends Study, 2024.
2. Cleveland Clinic, "Caregiver Burnout", 2024.